You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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