Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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