we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
