I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
