You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My bed smells like the plague
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