bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
