I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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