Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we're so committed to being not committed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
