..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
