Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
