official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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