YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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