all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
