Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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