oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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