Please, let me fuck your mom
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
