I could make wine with my vomit
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
