it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
