Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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