So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
