Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You pole danced in your parka.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
