Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
