I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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