Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize