I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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