I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
