Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
