so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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