Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
