high people should be assigned attendants
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
