Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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