no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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