franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
