they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
