Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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