I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
