The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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