Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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