Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
