I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize