woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I AM VODKA MAN
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
