he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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