I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
