for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
