singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
