my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Someone signed my nipple.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
