How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
