i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
