I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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