even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
