my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
