just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
