I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
