i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
