She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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