I want to walk on stilts...naked
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
