dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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