I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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