I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
