Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
