Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
