I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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