i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
