i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
