I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
