are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
