I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
