I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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