The maid of honor just puked.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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