that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
