And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
